May 9, 2014

Please be gentle with me. I'm doing my best

stumbled upon this post via The Nester yesterday and by the time I finished reading the article, I was sobbing like a little girl who just dropped her cone of ice cream on the streets while hugging a box of Kleenex. Fortunately, no one was home to witness the moment.

If I could wear a sign around my neck, I would definitely be wearing this one: 'Please be gentle with me. I'm doing my best.' This isn't something I would normally ask of others but it would be nice if people around me cared enough to try and take the time to understand why I am the way I am; that I'm going through a rough patch right now and I really am doing the best that I know how to. It would be so much better than telling me that I'm doing this wrong or that I should have done it another way.

When you're broken on the inside yet have to put on a brave front every single day for the sake of two beautiful children because you want the best for them, it does wear a person down significantly.

It will be 3 years come June that the husband quit his previous job and left home to work in another state 2 hours away from us. Lil Ee was not even 2 when he left and come July, she'll be turning 5. In all honesty, I am exhausted; emotionally, mentally and physically from having to be a father and a mother to both my kids until the weekends when their daddy is home, all while holding on to a full time job and keeping the house and the bills together on my own.

I am thankful for my in-laws who have taken one of my biggest worries away - taking care of my kids when I'm at work, but sometimes I wish my marriage was normal. In fact, I crave normal. Hope is the only thing left that I can cling on to these days because it gives me a picture of a better tomorrow and that in itself helps me get through the day without breaking down {... too much} and God knows, I've had my fair share of breakdowns in the last 5 years.

My hope ... just one, for now; that the husband can find a job closer to home so we can be a normal family for once. Too much to ask?