September 15, 2012

things they don't tell you about motherhood

I'm not a first time mama but as I've discovered in the last week, there are plenty of facts during motherhood that books and other mamas don't tell you probably for fear of extinction because women might not want to give birth if they knew or because the mamas have wiped them out of their memory due to their traumatizing nature.

Fact #1. You will get sprayed. And I'm not just talking by pee especially when you have a boy or by poop when you lift up the baby's butt in an attempt to slide the diapers underneath their too-shies in the middle of the night. But also by your own breast milk when you are manually expressing. Those dang boob juices have built-in homing devices aimed directly at your eyeballs and although they don't hurt they sure are downright annoying. Noticed I used plural nouns ... yes, I have been sprayed multiple times.

Fact #2. You can forget about sleeping when the baby sleeps. Particularly true if you need to start storing up breast milk before you go back to work {therefore, the next person who tells me to try sleep when baby sleeps better start running right after the words have been uttered or risk being decked by me}. 

Lil' Kai has been feeding and pooping almost every hour to two hours so if you do the maths, you will find at the end of the equation that I don't really have time to rest. lil' Kai still has problems latching on so I'm pumping/expressing and feeding him via the bottle which results in washing and sterilizing. Then there's also the cleaning up after a diaper change and granted they don't take a lot of time in total to do under normal circumstances, when you're sleep deprived everything is rather slow-mo.

Fact #3. Your personal hygiene will go out window. It's true and there is nothing you can do about it. Other than brushing your teeth after you grudgingly watch the sun rise through the window for the umpteenth time {or if you're fortunate enough after you manage to catch a few seconds of sleep}, you'll be too tired to even hold a sponge to scrub yourself down with soap or shampoo your hair so you'll just settle to stand underneath the hot shower and sleep for a minute or two before the baby wails again. Thank goodness I decided to listen to my brain and allowed my hair to grow out! My hair scrunchies have been my BFF's the last 19 days.

Fact #4. You will learn to multitask much more efficiently. For example - it is now 12:44am and I'm playing ChefVille on Facebook to keep me from falling asleep, blogging on Blogger to rant and I'm also pumping as lil' Kai is finally asleep {with the occasional grunts and baby gurgles here and then}. Right after I will be doing a mad dash downstairs to store the boob juice for tomorrow's feeds, wash his bottles, sterilize them and make another mad dash upstairs in hope that I might be able to catch a few minutes of sleep before he wakes up for another feed and diaper change.

Sigh.